New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
