So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
