sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
