I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
