I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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