so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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