Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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