the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
