Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
