The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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