Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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