I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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