she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
