you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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