Don't you send me to vm
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
