you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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