Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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