I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
