your parents love me but you hate me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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