I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
