I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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