The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
