so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
