bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My hand turned me down
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
