um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
