I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
