I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
