"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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