I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I could fuck to npr.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
