does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize