i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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