you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
