Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
