Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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