She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
