dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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