I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
