Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
