Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
