I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
