You work out of a Hotel?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
two words...techno handjob
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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