I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
