god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm bleeding and have questions
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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