Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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