Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
