he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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