I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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