I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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