he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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