I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
