I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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