Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize