After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
