So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
