she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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