so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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