he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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