They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
