I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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