Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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