the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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