next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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