operation harelip BJ is a go
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
