Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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