i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This house was built for laser tag.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
