Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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