in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
