I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
