Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
