READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
