A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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