good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you had me at cake vodka
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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