So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
