Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Someone signed my nipple.
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