YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
tell me about the fingering
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
