Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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