I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
