I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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