I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
