Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
how drunk are you?
Several
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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