do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize