it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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