i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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