Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
