I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
