16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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