You can't special order awesome
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
